Frustrated

Just when I thought my day was going to turn out great it sours like fish left out overnight to rot. It started out just like any other day, only better? I guess that you can say that... It lasted from morning till evening.

Woke up without incident, went for a drive around Labuan, looking at the beaches and places and crap and even went to the local mall to buy some stuff... I got a new bottle...

Same brand as my other bottle... Love it.

“So what?” is one of my fave quotes and things to say.

Then as I said, everything turned sour.

It was time for dinner, I smelt ayam kicap from the room upstairs so I was like “Whee! Food!”

To my dismay of course, it wasn’t the food that I was hoping for... It was the smell of the pork dish that we had last night (which I really hated, full of fats and chewy and tough as hell). I ate the damn pork dish the night before and was determined not to eat it again. Apart from the leftover meal, my ‘mum’ had cooked prawns (boiled, I HATE THAT) and cabbages (which I HATE MORE).

I looked around the table and found that there was absolutely nothing for me to eat! WTF LA! I’m hungry! I KNOW my mum helped out in the kitchen, I KNOW she cooked, I KNOW she knows I hate to eat cabbages and can’t eat boiled prawns!

I felt like crying then and there...

All I ate was a boiled egg which was served with the pork. How sad is that?
She’s my mum, she should know that I need to eat something else. I bet she thought that I would eat the pork, but she couldn’t have expected me to eat ONLY that?! And even if she didn’t cook, she could’ve said something!!!! She’s my mum for goodness sake!

I ate my boiled egg and rice, drank my water and headed upstairs.... And while I was sitting there finishing my water my dad leans over and asks me, as if it’s the most NORMAL thing to do.

“Are you done?”

I looked at him and wanted to scream. “YES, I”M DONE! I HAVE NOTHING TO EAT! OF COURSE I’M DONE YOU BASTARD! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO EAT?! AIR?!”

I so mad and betrayed...

So I just mumbled. “Ya, there’s nothing else to eat...”

Then as if I couldn’t hear them from the kitchen, he says in Kadazan to my mum. “What is wrong with your daughter?”

WTF!!!!

Stupid, inconsiderate, selfish, fools!

The worst part is, they gave me like a LOT of rice! What the f*** do you want me to eat it with?! You want me to pour my water all over the rice coz I’m sure it’ll taste good!

A**holes...

FOOD is an IMPORTANT matter to me! Even if I’m not hungry and there’s no food that I can eat I get really upset... I don’t know why, I just do. Everyone knows I’m picky and I mean everyone... I make it a point to say that I am picky and mention things I can’t and won’t eat before anyone offers me anything.

And my MUM, who has looked after me since birth just left me there to starve!

They even have the nerve to offer me bread and snacks as a substitute for dinner!

IDIOTS!

New Year's Resolution

Some people decide on their New Years resolutions, days before the actual event. Haha... Not me... I've decided a full 6 months after the 1st of January. Quite late actually.

Honestly, I've never bothered with resolutions... I mean, why bother writing down a list of things you want to do or want to be in the coming year when you're just going to misplace the paper somewhere?! All you're succeeding in is incresing the amount of trees being cut down just do write your dumb resolution. Ok, ok so some people might take this New Years resolution thing seriously. But how many?

How many actually take the time to sit down and read what they had written and actually take the necessary steps to achieve them? I'm not one of them that's for sure... Before at least.

Something came about that made me want to change my ways. Change my perspective and try to restrict my horizon rather than broaden it. Cause I've learnt that my brain works in peculiar ways. If I know too much, my brain automatically turns off and I just focus on the weaknesses of anyone else who's IQs aren't up to par. Bad habit right? It's this bad habit that brought on my unavoidable downfall. That and the fact that I have the will power of an Amoeba.

Our school had just handed out our first semester report cards, I don't know how many weeks ago. Riding in the car with my mum knowing that I have failed the exams was really awkward. Honestly, and I'm not trying to brag or anything, I've never failed an examination before.... Ever.... In my entire life. Well, at least during my high school years anyway. I've failed tests before,mostly Add Maths the Devils subject. Additional Mathematics is the root of this problem, but I've never faced a problem to this extent... I only got 33% for the subject. How sad is that?

I entered the classroom with my mum, we waited for our turn. I actually, already knew my class ranking. I got number 12... A whole new low for me. I've never been in the top 20 spot before... During my time in high school, I have never gotten this low in the rankings. I've always been top 10 but I guess now, I can't even say that. Needless to say, my mum wasn't at all happy with me. I wasn't happy with myself either.

As we left the school grounds and made our way across the overhead bridge, a heavy feeling started to form inside of me. It felt like my heart was being squeezed painfully. I realised that it was the desire to do better. To not fail again.

I went into the car, the feeling in my chest not leaving, like a parasite eating away at me from the inside out. I decided then and there to try better in the second semester and at least get top 10 even if I can't pass my Add Maths.

Not to brag or anything, but I have been making some progress in areas concerning homework and attention span during classes. I've made an effort to prepare for tests, finish homework and not fall asleep during class, which is still posing as a problem for me. No matter how early I went to bed the night before.

Anyway, if I can keep this up then, I hope to see the fruits of my labour this coming year end...~

Wish me luck!