Second Thoughts

Being free isn't what it's cracked up to be.... O_O I'm bored to death with going online everyday and staying up till the sun rises. The routine is getting a little old. Now, if only I could drive.... I would be able to go out by myself and have fun. Though where would I go?

Driving all the way to Mile 4 seems like a waste of time and gas. So it seems to me, staying home and going online is the only option I have....

Now I have some Caroling stuff to attend to... The guys wanted to vote for me as a leader but I was like "NO!" All my brothers have gone through it... But I'm not a leader. I'm a follower and I'm proud of it! I hate taking charge of situations... Makes my life harder and just puts stress on me. I'm not good at handling stress and I have the temper of a bull. I'm definitely not suited to be a leader of a bunch of kids....

So they chose Roy.... I wonder if that's how you spell his name. He's a year younger than me but since he was chosen I bet everyone agreed! the thing is.... I'm not the only 16 year old in my neighbourhood you know! There are like 2 other people the same age as me, but apparently they aren't that qualified for the job (they're idiots). I agree though... They aren't they best candidates... ^^''

They asked me to attend a practice today though... ^^ At least they're being friendly... Or is it because they need me? Lol... And I saw Daryl shirtless today.... O_O Kinda taken back by the image... It's not that he doesn't look good... He looked.... Waaa~~ He became a man~ kekeke~

This is just another thing I wanna add to my wish list... I want an iPod!!! God! Get me an iPod! A black/white/red one!

Time to turn my brain off...

It's been a stressful 2 weeks but finally my exams are over and it's safe to turn my brain off... No more thinking, memorising and calculating for another 2 months... ^^ Isn't life wonderful?

There's gonna be a career talk this Friday at our school and other schools are going to be attending too... St. Mary's boys school, Sung Siew and St. Michael.... Our school is going to be hosting it so we're all going to be running around this Friday.... It's in the afternoon, so none of us can go home and change. Were going to be in the hot hall, sweating and stinking up the place with BO.

I'm in charge of the PA system, I wonder who decided that because I have no experience handling the PA system... Of course, it's better than becoming the welcoming committee... I don't think I can wear a smile on my face for the required amount of time...

Honestly, I forgot all about this career talk until today... O_O Heck, I don't even know who is going to be giving the talk! All I know is Michelle (is that how you spell it?) is going to be there... I don't even know if the other Rotarians are going to go or not...

Hm.... Leaving that... I think I failed my Chemistry.... Add Maths is a must fail.. I couldn't answer most of the questions and just left them blank, including little smiley faces and words like 'Sorry, teacher.... I failed again' on the test paper... Wendy says that I got a 32... Wahaahahaha~ 8 more marks and I pass but still, I have no idea whether my mum is gonna be pissed or not. XD

Chemistry was a b*tch. I was bullcrapping the whole paper I think... I wouldn't be surprised if I got the same marks for Chemistry... Bet my mum wouldn't be happy about that... But what's done is done and the exams are now over... Whatever marks I get I can worry about later, right now I just need to turn my brain off and let it rest for a few weeks... XD

Can't wait till holidays!

Frustrated

Just when I thought my day was going to turn out great it sours like fish left out overnight to rot. It started out just like any other day, only better? I guess that you can say that... It lasted from morning till evening.

Woke up without incident, went for a drive around Labuan, looking at the beaches and places and crap and even went to the local mall to buy some stuff... I got a new bottle...

Same brand as my other bottle... Love it.

“So what?” is one of my fave quotes and things to say.

Then as I said, everything turned sour.

It was time for dinner, I smelt ayam kicap from the room upstairs so I was like “Whee! Food!”

To my dismay of course, it wasn’t the food that I was hoping for... It was the smell of the pork dish that we had last night (which I really hated, full of fats and chewy and tough as hell). I ate the damn pork dish the night before and was determined not to eat it again. Apart from the leftover meal, my ‘mum’ had cooked prawns (boiled, I HATE THAT) and cabbages (which I HATE MORE).

I looked around the table and found that there was absolutely nothing for me to eat! WTF LA! I’m hungry! I KNOW my mum helped out in the kitchen, I KNOW she cooked, I KNOW she knows I hate to eat cabbages and can’t eat boiled prawns!

I felt like crying then and there...

All I ate was a boiled egg which was served with the pork. How sad is that?
She’s my mum, she should know that I need to eat something else. I bet she thought that I would eat the pork, but she couldn’t have expected me to eat ONLY that?! And even if she didn’t cook, she could’ve said something!!!! She’s my mum for goodness sake!

I ate my boiled egg and rice, drank my water and headed upstairs.... And while I was sitting there finishing my water my dad leans over and asks me, as if it’s the most NORMAL thing to do.

“Are you done?”

I looked at him and wanted to scream. “YES, I”M DONE! I HAVE NOTHING TO EAT! OF COURSE I’M DONE YOU BASTARD! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO EAT?! AIR?!”

I so mad and betrayed...

So I just mumbled. “Ya, there’s nothing else to eat...”

Then as if I couldn’t hear them from the kitchen, he says in Kadazan to my mum. “What is wrong with your daughter?”

WTF!!!!

Stupid, inconsiderate, selfish, fools!

The worst part is, they gave me like a LOT of rice! What the f*** do you want me to eat it with?! You want me to pour my water all over the rice coz I’m sure it’ll taste good!

A**holes...

FOOD is an IMPORTANT matter to me! Even if I’m not hungry and there’s no food that I can eat I get really upset... I don’t know why, I just do. Everyone knows I’m picky and I mean everyone... I make it a point to say that I am picky and mention things I can’t and won’t eat before anyone offers me anything.

And my MUM, who has looked after me since birth just left me there to starve!

They even have the nerve to offer me bread and snacks as a substitute for dinner!

IDIOTS!

Merdeka Day Celebration

PIC OF THE DAY

Kat being silly during tuition

*****

I've been gone for a pretty long time for a host of reasons. Busy with school work and tests to prepare for, lazy, no Internet connection, writer's block etc.

But now I'm back, accompanied by a whole new list of things to complain about. Haha~ It seems to me that complaining is the only thing I do when I'm writing....

This post won't be any different. As the title says, Merdeka Day Celebration, I'm going to complain about that...

Firstly, why on Earth are they celebrating Merdeka Day (tomorrow;20 September 2008) when Merdeka was like a really long time ago, like 31st August 2008!!!! It's stupid and inconvenient.... I mean, I understand the government trying to put some patriotism into the students but what respectable teenager would want to go back to school on a SATURDAY just to waste their time standing in a hot hall, singing patriotic songs about our country when they could be sitting at home watching TV?!!! Or hanging out with friends in Mile 4?

I'm not going tomorrow... Despite being a prefect, I'm rebelling... The teachers said that it is going to be a very historic day because a representative of the Prime Minister. I emphasize the word representative. HELLO!?!!! It's not the bloody Prime Minister people!? It's just one of his mindless zombies doing the dirty work that he himself wouldn't prefer to do. That's the truth... He's too busy ruining our politics to visit a little convent school in a little town.

Heck, I think I would do the same if I were in his shoes...

We did the backdrop for the celebration tomorrow... In my opinion, even if I did help do it, it's ridiculous.... ^^'' It's the teachers fault for choosing loony people to do the backdrop for such an auspicious occasion. Our class is full of lunatics, especially the front row (which includes me). Were the ones that keep the class alive and twitching.

Exams are in 3 weeks and I'm still not preparing.... Haha~

Funfair & Yu Yuan Night

On Friday, I went to Yu Yuan Night with Bernice and her sis, Celine.... It was like a concert. The performances were good especially one of the skits they did. It was really funny. I'm not in the mood to go into details so just take my word that it was awesome. The other performances were just so and so... I didn't like the singing. And one of the skits was so emo it scared me. Literally, the whole hall was silent during the performance. It was horribly emo. The last dance performance was awesome though. Not really mouth opening but very good.

After that, I went to the funfair. FINALLY! Bern and I were really excited! Tagada was there!!! Wee~~ But the fair was empty and boring. If it wasn't for Tagada, I don't think anyone would go. Air Force 1 is out of the picture. Apparently someone died on it when the swinging part came loose. I don't know wether its true but since its not set up I guess it is... The best thing about Tagada now is that there is a guy that dances in the middle of the thing! He's sooooo cool! Ok,so he dances sembarangan but still, he even does jumps!!! I took a video from the outside of the ride but the next time I go, I wanna record from the inside~ Muahahahaha~

There's a rumor that Air Force 1 is going to be set up soon. But I don't know how reliable the source is so... I'm keeping my fingers crossed! ^^

Holidays are almost over~

T_T This Sunday is the last day of holidays... Why on Earth does it have to end so quick? I want it to be longer... I don't mind sitting on the couch day in and day out, staring at the TV like a mindless zombie. All that while watching reruns of the Olympic events that I've missed.

The funfair is open... Finally.... I really want to go... Too bad that they don't have Air Force 1 anymore...They still have Tagada though~^^ I hope that I can go and hang with my friends!! Hehee.... *dreams of Tagada*

Random pictures

Hmmm... Since I am bored at the moment, I wanna post some random pictures that I have taken and am particularly proud of~ Enjoy! XD This was supposed to be a picture of an orchid in my backyard, instead it became like this and I converted it into a painting with my phone.
Before going to bed, I took this... This pic was also converted to paint style.

In the backyard. Converted.

This was supposed to be a pic of the yellow flower on the right, but it turned out this way, but I'm happy all the same~^^

**All pics were taken using a Sony Ericsson W910i phone~

Wootness!! (III)

Wootness!!! 1 more day till holidays!!!!! Muahahahhahahhahhahaa~

On the OLYMPICS!

The Olympics were supposed to be the most anticipated event of the year. And it is, I think everyone I knew were watching the opening ceremony last night. I have to admit, the Chinese had it! It was spectacular and I am impressed by the way they were able to co-operate and work together to make the whole thing a success. They reminded me of an army of fire ants marching off into the forest to scavenge. It was awesome! Though, for some reason or another, I started to fall asleep right in the middle of the performances.

Since I was still having tests at the time, I put it down to pure fatigue from thinking and processing the whole day. Then again, it could have been because some of the performances were boring? Hm.... That's a possibility, but judging by how my whole class was mumbling about the awesome performance the Chinese put on last night, I think it's because of fatigue.

Anyway, before I continue rambling any longer, I would just like to wish all the hopeful athletes in China right now the best of luck! Don't break a leg, you might be needing it!

Finally!

Finally!
It's the end of gempur! I've been anticipating the moment the bell rings and the day is over! XD Haha...... I have been studying like mad for this test, but it looks like I will fail anyway... Stupid Add Maths... Also, Chemistry was hard.... :/


Though not as hard as Add Maths... I skipped so many questions and screwed so many that when I was done I knew that I would fail. It was the most horrible feeling to have when you finish a test. The inevitable is coming and there is nothing you can do about it... I think our whole class would be hearing from the teacher how dumb we are next week. Yes, that's right.... There are many others in our class unable to cope with the huge mind numbing formulas and reasoning's of add maths... It lightens the pain a bit, knowing that you're fellow classmates are also suffering as you are... Haha~

It is fact that add maths is hard, and it's also a fact that I hate everything to do with maths... Maths and I are like oil and water and I'm the water, always stuck underneath the slick layer of oil that's slowly suffocating me. If I had a choice, I would definitely drop the subject and pay attention to the other science subjects. But the truth of the matter is that I have no choice. This murderous subject is compulsory for all science stream students... Frik you ADD MATHS!!!

Though, the upside is still the fact that now I have loads of free time to spend on the computer. Writing mindless ramblings to my hearts content. Next week, on Saturday, is the start of school holiday! Muahahaahaha!!! Even more free time to ramble!

Worries

ISH...

I'm feeling really crappy these last few days... It's so stressful being a student.... And the teachers aren't making it any easier either... Well, it's not like I'm expecting that things are going to become simpler as I age, it's just going to get harder and harder. Frik la~

Also, to add to my worries, I'm going to have Gempur next week. Damn tests... The worst thing is, when I'm supposed to be studying, I'm here, online... Writing a blog entry. How dumb am I?

I haven't even studied enough yet... I'm tired of studying... I just wanna lie down in bed and enjoy my books, which I never seem to be able to finish by the way. It's hard to be a teenager and balance your life and school. You can't have both, you have to chose either one. Well, in my case at least. I can't pay attention to both, it's too stressful...

Well I'd better go and study my ass off... Stupid Bio so many chapters... Stupid Add Maths... SO hard...

^^ News~~~

Hmm.... It's been a while, and a lot has happened in the past week... Of course, there are some good news and bad news... Not much good news though I'm afraid... :(

BAD NEWS

• I'm gonna be having Gempur in like less than 2 weeks? I'm not even sure when it is... I it's gonna be on the 6th of August... Crap....
• Bible Knowledge is one of the subjects
• Add Maths might be from chapter 1-8?
• Biology might be from 2-6?

GOOD NEWS

• The international exchange program is confirmed and going to be in USA, India and Japan. I'm definitely going to Japan, though I think I have a 32% chance of actually being able to go... :/
• I passed my add maths test... Just luck...

wow... only two good news... How damn sad is that? -.-

More updates soon~^^

New Year's Resolution

Some people decide on their New Years resolutions, days before the actual event. Haha... Not me... I've decided a full 6 months after the 1st of January. Quite late actually.

Honestly, I've never bothered with resolutions... I mean, why bother writing down a list of things you want to do or want to be in the coming year when you're just going to misplace the paper somewhere?! All you're succeeding in is incresing the amount of trees being cut down just do write your dumb resolution. Ok, ok so some people might take this New Years resolution thing seriously. But how many?

How many actually take the time to sit down and read what they had written and actually take the necessary steps to achieve them? I'm not one of them that's for sure... Before at least.

Something came about that made me want to change my ways. Change my perspective and try to restrict my horizon rather than broaden it. Cause I've learnt that my brain works in peculiar ways. If I know too much, my brain automatically turns off and I just focus on the weaknesses of anyone else who's IQs aren't up to par. Bad habit right? It's this bad habit that brought on my unavoidable downfall. That and the fact that I have the will power of an Amoeba.

Our school had just handed out our first semester report cards, I don't know how many weeks ago. Riding in the car with my mum knowing that I have failed the exams was really awkward. Honestly, and I'm not trying to brag or anything, I've never failed an examination before.... Ever.... In my entire life. Well, at least during my high school years anyway. I've failed tests before,mostly Add Maths the Devils subject. Additional Mathematics is the root of this problem, but I've never faced a problem to this extent... I only got 33% for the subject. How sad is that?

I entered the classroom with my mum, we waited for our turn. I actually, already knew my class ranking. I got number 12... A whole new low for me. I've never been in the top 20 spot before... During my time in high school, I have never gotten this low in the rankings. I've always been top 10 but I guess now, I can't even say that. Needless to say, my mum wasn't at all happy with me. I wasn't happy with myself either.

As we left the school grounds and made our way across the overhead bridge, a heavy feeling started to form inside of me. It felt like my heart was being squeezed painfully. I realised that it was the desire to do better. To not fail again.

I went into the car, the feeling in my chest not leaving, like a parasite eating away at me from the inside out. I decided then and there to try better in the second semester and at least get top 10 even if I can't pass my Add Maths.

Not to brag or anything, but I have been making some progress in areas concerning homework and attention span during classes. I've made an effort to prepare for tests, finish homework and not fall asleep during class, which is still posing as a problem for me. No matter how early I went to bed the night before.

Anyway, if I can keep this up then, I hope to see the fruits of my labour this coming year end...~

Wish me luck!

Homework blues

Just as I had feared, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. In fact, there is no other side. Or so it seems.

Since I have just gotten back from the state level debates competition, reality struck me that I have just missed a whole week of school! I am already behind in my studies because of drama and now I'm more behind than ever. In fact, if there was another word worse than behind I would be that word.

Also, I have just seen the mountain of homework that was waiting for me. I swear my arm is going to ache for a week. But I guess I'm not really one to complain, there are others in my class that have it worse than I do...

God, I hate school.

Shy or just selfish?

I don't have a best friend. I find it unfair for anyone else who is 'just' my friend so I don't choose.

That is what I tell people... But the fact is...

I have very close friend.... I've been with her through thick and thin, shared my deepest and inner most secrets with her and have even let her stay in my house.It's so easy to talk to her, and I tell her just about everything! If that isn't a best friend, I don't know what is...

The thing is, I don't embrace this fact. I actually deny it. Even if she does say that I am her best friend, and as much as I want to tell her the same thing, I can't. Am I selfish? Or just shy to admit my feelings after denying it for so long?

I plan to tell her someday... But I don't know when... She deserves to know that I do appreciate her and love her for the good friend that she is. Deserves to know that I too think of her as a best friend...

I just realised this today and I can't get it off my mind. I feel so dumb not having noticed this earlier...

Rivals or Friends?

I recently arrived back from Kota Belud yesterday. I was there along with 5 other students and a teacher for the State level English Style Parliamentary Debates 2008. We managed to place 3rd out of the 6 schools that participated. I'm happy and completely satisfied with our achievement. We went against last years National champs from Kota Kinabalu. Honestly, I thought that they were going to be really stuck up and mean. Just like a school where I'm from. The students think that they are above everyone, I'm guessing that this mindset is the cause of their early downfall when they met our school during the preliminary rounds. Muahahaha!
Anyway... The KK people were really friendly. After they mercilessly slaughtered us during the semi-finals we actually got together and made friends! And to think, before this we were really scared of them. We were literally petrified actually! Haha!
Guess it really goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover!

Be Stress Free

Honestly, I don't understand why teens are so stressed nowadays. In the past it seems that teens were the most laid back people in the community. They might not be as innocent as children or as wise as the adults, but they're growing and learning.

I know that one's intelligence quotient is very important, especially in the world today where you need certain qualifications to get a high paying job and everything. But the process to achieve this intelligence is a hard fought one full of twists and turns. I, in particular, am having a really hard time staying with my schools curriculum. It's not that I don't want to study. As a matter of fact, I'm hungry for information. I'm also not saying that the schools nowadays aren't giving and supplying the information that I want and crave. It's all there. There's just something wrong with how it is all presented to the students.

What I mean is, we have the information, but no way to express it to the students. I'm talking about the teachers. It's very hard to find good, motivating, uplifting teachers these days. In fact, I've never met a teacher that has ever inspired me to finish my homework on time. The methods of teaching used in my classes are very boring and extremely dull. All they do is just make me annoyed with the subject and just couldn't be bothered with it anymore. Some of the people, who might be reading this, especially teachers and parents, would say that this is the wrong attitude. Believe me, I've tried voicing my opinions out to my parents. They can sometimes understand and at other times they have no idea.

Parents and educators of today might say that the education system today is very lenient compared to the strictness of the schools a long time ago. You can actually say that were lucky as teens now. I think its great that some parts of the world have abolished corporal punishment, but in Malaysia, this type of punishment is far from being abolished. In Malaysia, only the boys can receive CP while girls aren't allowed to be hit. Personally, I don't find this fair. Even if you are a girl or a boy, you should not be hit. Even if this is to instill good behavior and deter bad ones, what is most important is the foundation that these children receive. Since everything starts from home, parents play a bigger role in ensuring that a child can tell right from wrong and is able to make the right decisions based on this foundation.

I seem to have strayed from my topic. O_O

I'm unhappy with how the guidelines of education in Malaysia. According to my dad, it is compulsory for children to attend school. WE Malaysians aren't allowed to be home schooled. I want to be home schooled. I want to learn at my own space,without the stressful factors of school getting in my way. I, personally am having a hard time keeping up. Since the schools only have less than a year to finish their wide syllabus, the teachers often end up speeding through the whole thing without regard to whether the students understand them or not. After all, they're still getting paid no matter what grades their students get in class. Be it an A or an E.

This often results in the students taking tuition. Without tuition, I bet we would have a pandemic of idiots walking around our country. So, it's actually tuition building and sculpting the leaders of tomorrow. As hard as it is to swallow, it is FACT. I find that tuition is a form of home study. Since you either go to special centers or to a teachers house for tuition. This type of 'Home Study' is stress free and allows the teacher and student to bond. Some teachers are not able to open up to their students in school, but they turn into social extroverts once they're home and in their short pants and T-shirts rather than the batik, ties and heels they use to school everyday. Also, studies show that your mental state actually influences how well you are able to accept, process or retrieve information. So, compared to school where you are bombarded with countless assignments, loads of homework, possibilities of punishment and lots of other stressful factors, you could actually be learning more just by sitting at a dining table for two hours.

Also, tuition is a way to get extra money. But the effectiveness of the tuition session also still depends on what type of teacher is teaching. After all, what use use is tuition if you have an equally boring and useless teacher like in school?

I asked my dad if it was alright for me to stop school and be home schooled. Because about one quarter of the general information in my brain right now come from my parents. He said that it was possible, but it's just that the Malaysian government doesn't allow it.

^^ I'd probably be migrating out once I start working...